The Clam's Quest
by Snooglebum
Summary: A young clam sets out to find his destiny...
1. Chapter 1

**The Clam's Quest**

**Part 1**

(Note from snooglebum: this story starts out random, but don't worry. I put a bit more effort into it later on.)

Once, in a land far ago, a was no thufdders!

Or perhaps there was. Being a clam is so exhaust!

Anynow, there was fish, lots of fish. Fish. Fissssshhhhhh.

BLOOD WAR! KILL! KILL!

Kill all of bad guy! Bad guy scum! All we clam do is sit, an they eat me and us!

Y'know, I got eaten once, It's not pretty getting eat by man. With big mouth and stupid-face, it isn't fair! What's a clam gotta do? Lie around and eat sand? B-O-R-I-N-G, ubah boris! Y'know, I once met a mudcrab merchant. He had SO much shininess that it made me want to EAT HIM! RGGGGG!

At any rates… Y'know, I can do a mean lion. Listen to me roar!

Gurgle gurgle Oh yeah. That's what I call a roar! Yeah! I--Oh, sweet mother of pearl, a clam diver! Hide!

Clam Diver: hello. I am Mr. Pretty. And I am here to Suck YOUR BLOOD! MWAHAHAHAHA! Ahem Just kidding. Did I mention that no WAY am I a member of the dark brotherhood. Nope. Not a chance. Hides Dagger

"Anyway, I am here to go clam diving and—initiate! Point the camera towards me! That's better. Right. Clam diving. Well, the secret is that you kinda get the loose end and—" Chomp! "ARRRRGGGG! IT BIT ME! DIE CLAM DIE! What, I can't cast ranged spells while underwater? That sucks!"

Clam: Run away, run away, run away.

Mr. Pretty: COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE MONSTER!

C: Noooooooooooooo…

P: Ha! Got you! Time for a roast!

C: CLAM KUNG-FU! HIEEEE-YAAAAAAA!

smack

P: Oof! Hey Where did you go?

C: hides under rock Phew. Gots away. Must, go, to, clam, den. Swim

In the clam den, the young clam meets: The wise, MOTHER CLAM!

Ba-bum

Mother Clam: hello, little one.

Clam: "Little One?" You're the same size as me!

MC: Ah, but I am large in wisdom.

C: can't argue with that.

MC: What you must be doing is this: You must swim til you can swim no more, to the edge of Cyrodiil, then you must draw the holy sword from the holy stone: MeatCakes!

C: Meat… Cakes?

MC: Yes that's right. MeatCakes.

But, the sinister Mister Pretty has not forgot about our hero, and he hatches a dastardly plan…

"I'm hungry. Initiate! Do you have any thing to eat?"

Initiate: Uh, no sir.

"What? Nothing? THEN YOU DIE!"

"Arrrrrrgggggg…"

"Hmm, let's see what he has… Hmm, Shrouded armor and hood, I've got that already, Silver dagger, Ooh, shiny. Hmm what's this? A scroll of polymorph! Awesome! And… Food! Mmm. Ymmy Stff. Gulp And remember kiddies, don't talk with your mouth full! Like I just did!"

End of part 1

**The Clam's Quest**

**Part Two**

When we last left our hero, he was receiving advice from the Mother Clam.

"Now young clam," said she, "in your search for MeatCakes, you must have supplies. Hold on a moment." Mother Clam rooted around in her storage cabinet to find… "Hey! It's my old AstroLite 2000! I've been looking for this for ages!"

"Uh, Mother Clam? The supplies?" Asks our hero ever impatient. "Ooh yes. Now let me see, hmm. Aha!" The Mother Clam pulled out a rusty looking sword and held it up to the, um… Light? "Here is a sword. It is a bit rusty, but I think it will do." The old Mother Clam hands our hero the sword. "Now don't drop it." She cautions. "It will likely shatter." She takes out a sack. "Some food." She explains. "O Mother Clam." Says our hero. "I thank thee for thy wonderful gifts. I promise to use them well." And so, saying goodbye to the Mother Clam, our hero sets off on his journey. Unaware that he is being watched…

The dangerous and dastardly Mr. Pretty is watching our hero. Hatching a master plan. "Oho. So the little clam wants to draw the legendary MeatCakes from it's rock, eh? We will see about that. We will see-- by sithis, a mosquito! I'll not have you foil my master plan!" And so, Mr. Pretty tried very hard to kill the mosquito with his dagger. Our hero slips away…

End of part 2

**The Clam's Quest **

**Part Three**

When we last left our hero, he had just started his journey to find the legendary sword, MeatCakes! But he was being watched by the evil--

"Die mosquito, die!" Umm… Yes that's what happened. Yeah. Anyway… our hero finds a fork in the… Umm… Road? But, he sees, two lobsters tormenting a green fish. "Pay up, Johnny Mcbooty, were on to you." Says one of the lobster thugs. "Yeah, the boss doesn't like it when ya skip!" Says the other one. "Yeah, and if you don't pay up, the we're gonna be, unhappy!"

"Cmon' dudes!" Says Johnny Mcbooty, "I only got a few more days til my shipment gets here, I'll pay up then!"

"A few days is too long, we want the money now." Growls one of the thugs. Our hero has seen enough. He umm... Whips out his sword, trailing motes of rust shouting: "I will not stand for this! Prepare yourselfs for battle, you feinds!" Startled, the lobsters can only cry in alarm as our hero, shouting ferociously. "ROOOOAAAAAAAGGGGG!"

He bowls the lobsters over like tenpins! Our hero has won! Or has he?

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh, gee thanks!" Said the small fish, bowing his… Um, head in gratitude. "I was afraid that they were going to… I don't even want to say it." Our hero nod his Err… Head, saying: "It was nothing. Why were they after you?" Johnny looks about nervously. Trying to see if anyone is listening. Then, he whispers in our hero's… Um, ear: "Lakka." Our hero cocks his head to the side. (I'll just say "head" from now on) "Who?" "Lakka." Johnny whispers again. Looking about nervously. "I'm sorry, but I can't hear you." Johnny Rolls his eyes. "Oh for the love of-LAKKA! LAKKA!! LAKKA!!!!!!!!!!" He shouts in our hero's ear. Our hero is blown away most comically. "No need to shout, I can hear you perfectly! Now who's Lakka?" Johnny gulps. "Who is Lakka? You must be from far away not to have heard of her. She's the evilest, cruelest mudcrab this side of the Black Marsh! Nobody hasn't heard of her!" Our hero nods. "I spent most of my life under a rock, so I don't know these things." He says. Shrugging. (If a Clam can shrug.) "Yeah, I was under my rock, thinking, when a Man came and lifted my rock! He was talking to someone I couldn't see. I bit him and swam away. He shouted something that started with an "F" and dove after me. Being a clam, I could find the best hiding spot. Under another rock. That's where I met the wise and beneficial MOTHER CLAM!!!! And she sent me on a quest to retrieve the legendary sword, MeatCakes." Our hero finishes, sheathing his sword (scrap). "Anyway, I better get going." Johnny swims about nervously. "Um… Mister clam? Can I ask you a favor? Can I come with you?" Our hero glances at Johnny. "Why do you want to? I can offer only danger." Johnny says: "Because you helped me out! I want to help you too!" "Go ahead." Says our hero. Swimming towards his eventual goal. Our hero and Johnny swim together for a while, when Johnny asks: "By the way, what's your name?" "My name?" Says our hero. "My name, is Urial Septim.

**To Be continued...**


End file.
